long time no blog

Been a while since I last blogged. I checked the date and saw March 2012, days before my Europe trip. It was a strange experience. I had fun visiting famous sites, took lots of pictures, and got lost. The awkward, or unexpected was Z's break up with his then boyfriend. I was caught in the middle. I heard many awful things that Z might have done. It really wasn't my business, but I was in the middle of their domestic meltdown. Never for a second I was expecting to be situated in the center of a battle while traveling. I really made it sound like more dramatic than it actually was.

I also began taking Counseling classes. So far so good. At first I felt alone, behind, and unhappy. Then I settled more or less into the groove. These days I am still not sure where everything leads or fits. Perhaps I don't have to know. Perhaps it is okay to figure things out as I go.

 One thing I would like to change is my relationship status. It has not moved very much since... Sigh. Who's counting. Not a big deal, I suppose being single and lonely is better than being a miserable relationship. Yea, it would be great to be in a healthy and supportive one.

2012 is almost 3/4 over. What have I done so far?

France

Can't remember the last time I posted something. Life is a bit hectic and unfocused these days. Well, it's days away from visiting Z. It will be one of the more impulsive decisions I've made. Why not, I believe in spontaneity. Routines certainly have their place in my life. Sometimes I need the unexpected, things out of ordinary. So France, here I come.

Went to have my passport photos taken today. I knew I wasn't in my 20s anymore, still, when the pictures came out I was surprised. "Dude, I look old!" Good thing I don't have to look at my face every minute of the day. Try as I might, fighting aging is a pretty much a losing game for me. No amount of vitamins or creams will fix what's not happening or happening on my face and my head. Well, at least I still fit in my jeans.

Then, looking around, I see I have plenty. More than a lot of people. I am blessed, and I don't always appreciate what I have. Too many complaints, too focused on the negatives, often I see the problems but fail to see the blessings. I tell myself: Stay grateful, and stay positive. Be kind, and be thoughtful. Life always feels good when my mind is in the right place.

Seattle once more

Another trip tomorrow... Seattle, a very feminine city as I would call it... Rain, misty, moody... here I come. On Thursday morning I finally submitted 2 applications, one more to go when I get back. I really feel this is the right step forward, and I think people agree. It's very touching to hear and receive Dave's support. Of course I don't know how it will all go down, but I am happy I made the decision. On the personal front, I have realized being single has been less painful than I thought. It's probably because there's something else to focus on, not as much stress to find someone, get to know someone, and settle down with someone. I'm just going with the flow these days. Whatever comes in my path, I will embrace it.

Turned 35 Today

I'm 35 today. I did the regular work shift, and took a little nap before dinner. Moles La Tia was a nice charming place for delicious Mexican food. Dave, Jose, and PK joined me on my little celebration. We ordered a lot of food, the lady was a little confused with Dave's vegetarian instruction... In the end, she got everything right and we were very happy, satisfied customers. I bought a Japanese-style cheesecake for us to enjoy after the feast. It was not the best birthday cake we had, a little dry and subtle in flavor, but it was small enough for 4 and we even saved a slice for the lady + owner. She was very gracious and sweet, asked what my name would be in Spanish, and told me she really liked the cake (where did we get it?) I came home, felt relaxed, and uploaded some pics onto Facebook. I don't feel that different. I know I am very blessed to have friends like Dave, Jose and PK in my life. When the heart is content, everything else is simply a bonus. Of course, I am not always the happiest of the bunch, and I do have very cranky moments from time to time. Still, I feel grounded after the dust settles, and whenever I go through my rants and complaints... I know in my heart I am supported by many who love who and what I am. To that end, I know the upcoming years will be eventful, exciting, and fair. I am indeed very, very lucky.

Some Perv!

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Came and went

It's been a while since I blogged. After Thanksgiving, it feels like it's the right time. A relationship had come and left. Many nights of serious talks, and nothing really got fixed. I acted like I was a house guest. I did not make enough an effort to change that. I did not bring up the finances. I had intimacy issues. The list goes on and on. I wish I knew all of this when I was physically present, or when the "problems" were happening. Still, problems are problems. Thought we would move forward. Then I was left hanging. Communication issues, check. Why do all my relationships get into a bumpy phase? Grass is always greener. When I was single, I thought being partnered up would be so great. Now, I wish I didn't have this pain. It's good to reach a conclusion. After a couple of weeks, it's not good to stay confused and feeling lost. Friendship I can do. Love, I just don't know.

Packing

I hardly blog anymore. Oh well... Work's been a lot to handle, understandable? Tomorrow I will be visiting Saint Louis, it's exciting. If I only had more energy I would be jumping up and down right now. Instead I am writing about how happy I am, and thinking about what I may be forgetting to pack. Someone is also coming to fix my disposal tomorrow. It's going to be a hectic day. What is Saint Louis like? I am going to find out soon enough :)