long time no blog

Been a while since I last blogged. I checked the date and saw March 2012, days before my Europe trip. It was a strange experience. I had fun visiting famous sites, took lots of pictures, and got lost. The awkward, or unexpected was Z's break up with his then boyfriend. I was caught in the middle. I heard many awful things that Z might have done. It really wasn't my business, but I was in the middle of their domestic meltdown. Never for a second I was expecting to be situated in the center of a battle while traveling. I really made it sound like more dramatic than it actually was.

I also began taking Counseling classes. So far so good. At first I felt alone, behind, and unhappy. Then I settled more or less into the groove. These days I am still not sure where everything leads or fits. Perhaps I don't have to know. Perhaps it is okay to figure things out as I go.

 One thing I would like to change is my relationship status. It has not moved very much since... Sigh. Who's counting. Not a big deal, I suppose being single and lonely is better than being a miserable relationship. Yea, it would be great to be in a healthy and supportive one.

2012 is almost 3/4 over. What have I done so far?

France

Can't remember the last time I posted something. Life is a bit hectic and unfocused these days. Well, it's days away from visiting Z. It will be one of the more impulsive decisions I've made. Why not, I believe in spontaneity. Routines certainly have their place in my life. Sometimes I need the unexpected, things out of ordinary. So France, here I come.

Went to have my passport photos taken today. I knew I wasn't in my 20s anymore, still, when the pictures came out I was surprised. "Dude, I look old!" Good thing I don't have to look at my face every minute of the day. Try as I might, fighting aging is a pretty much a losing game for me. No amount of vitamins or creams will fix what's not happening or happening on my face and my head. Well, at least I still fit in my jeans.

Then, looking around, I see I have plenty. More than a lot of people. I am blessed, and I don't always appreciate what I have. Too many complaints, too focused on the negatives, often I see the problems but fail to see the blessings. I tell myself: Stay grateful, and stay positive. Be kind, and be thoughtful. Life always feels good when my mind is in the right place.

Seattle once more

Another trip tomorrow... Seattle, a very feminine city as I would call it... Rain, misty, moody... here I come. On Thursday morning I finally submitted 2 applications, one more to go when I get back. I really feel this is the right step forward, and I think people agree. It's very touching to hear and receive Dave's support. Of course I don't know how it will all go down, but I am happy I made the decision. On the personal front, I have realized being single has been less painful than I thought. It's probably because there's something else to focus on, not as much stress to find someone, get to know someone, and settle down with someone. I'm just going with the flow these days. Whatever comes in my path, I will embrace it.

Turned 35 Today

I'm 35 today. I did the regular work shift, and took a little nap before dinner. Moles La Tia was a nice charming place for delicious Mexican food. Dave, Jose, and PK joined me on my little celebration. We ordered a lot of food, the lady was a little confused with Dave's vegetarian instruction... In the end, she got everything right and we were very happy, satisfied customers. I bought a Japanese-style cheesecake for us to enjoy after the feast. It was not the best birthday cake we had, a little dry and subtle in flavor, but it was small enough for 4 and we even saved a slice for the lady + owner. She was very gracious and sweet, asked what my name would be in Spanish, and told me she really liked the cake (where did we get it?) I came home, felt relaxed, and uploaded some pics onto Facebook. I don't feel that different. I know I am very blessed to have friends like Dave, Jose and PK in my life. When the heart is content, everything else is simply a bonus. Of course, I am not always the happiest of the bunch, and I do have very cranky moments from time to time. Still, I feel grounded after the dust settles, and whenever I go through my rants and complaints... I know in my heart I am supported by many who love who and what I am. To that end, I know the upcoming years will be eventful, exciting, and fair. I am indeed very, very lucky.

Some Perv!

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Came and went

It's been a while since I blogged. After Thanksgiving, it feels like it's the right time. A relationship had come and left. Many nights of serious talks, and nothing really got fixed. I acted like I was a house guest. I did not make enough an effort to change that. I did not bring up the finances. I had intimacy issues. The list goes on and on. I wish I knew all of this when I was physically present, or when the "problems" were happening. Still, problems are problems. Thought we would move forward. Then I was left hanging. Communication issues, check. Why do all my relationships get into a bumpy phase? Grass is always greener. When I was single, I thought being partnered up would be so great. Now, I wish I didn't have this pain. It's good to reach a conclusion. After a couple of weeks, it's not good to stay confused and feeling lost. Friendship I can do. Love, I just don't know.

Packing

I hardly blog anymore. Oh well... Work's been a lot to handle, understandable? Tomorrow I will be visiting Saint Louis, it's exciting. If I only had more energy I would be jumping up and down right now. Instead I am writing about how happy I am, and thinking about what I may be forgetting to pack. Someone is also coming to fix my disposal tomorrow. It's going to be a hectic day. What is Saint Louis like? I am going to find out soon enough :)

Happy time

It's been a long time since my last post. I've been lazy. What's new? Well, how does Saint Louise sound? It should be fun and exciting. Sylvia is happy. Caretas is moving. Life is good. I have been sleeping better too. One thing that's not too great is I've spent a lot of money. Some of it is necessary, some, not so much. It's annoying to pay for things just for the sake of paying of them, fees that I shouldn't have to deal with if life just stays surprise-free. Oh well. Let's not whine. It is good news, no, great news that such a big, happy, surprise is on the way. What's $300? Still, ouch! I suppose I will need to rethink what is necessary and what isn't.

Sleep no good

Haven't been sleeping well lately. It's like on and off switch, never shuts completely, never really all the way gone. Not sure if it's stress, or what. Just know that it's a bothersome occurrence. It's still not as bad as insomnia, where I don't get any sleep. I just don't fall into sleep that deeply. It's fine. Perhaps it's the weather. The following days this week is going to be fun. Today's Dave's birthday and we had lunch. He didn't really like the present I got him, because he didn't feel he would need one. Oh well, I kind of knew it would happen, he's not easy. He said he's going to think about it. Tomorrow we're having our weekly dinner, and he said there will be a surprise guest. I wonder who this person is going to be. Probably an ex friend of his. Or simply an ex?! We'll see. Thursday night I'm having dinner with Eric and Mike, who are finally taking a vacation. Speaking of which, I should find a good place to dine in the Anaheim or Buena Park area. Then there's more dinner fun with other friends throughout the week. There's also Dave's birthday pizza party on Sunday. Oh boy. Time to hit to the gym!

Dad met Sylvia

Dad met Sylvia! That was fun to hear. Sylvia told me first and said dad was "adorable" - and we looked a like - uhh, thanks? Then dad called to say thanks for the little b-day present. I was happy he liked it. His recent car accident really worried me, and I was glad he was alright. Hopefully my little gift will bring him some luck! Today is Tuesday, which means Lost night! PK came by and we watched another confusing episode. The show is nearing the end, but still manages to confuse and frustrate. The episode started out slow, but got better towards the finish. I really don't know how things will conclude. How are they going to address all the mysteries? So far, the major ones are gradually answered. Well, it's just a tv show. I wonder what we will watch every week after Lost.

Favorite new fruit

I am very into pomelo this week. It's becoming my favorite new fruit. I've always liked it, but this week I've elevated to the "love" level. Of course, no other fruit can take the place of Fuji Apple, my all time favorite. I guess pomelo is now my very close 2nd favorite. It's refreshing, lemony, tangy, sweet, juicy, it's just yummy. I have been having it every night. It's SO good.

Earthquake and things

I watched the news and heard there was an earthquake. Yea I heard. I actually didn't feel it. It was supposedly serious. I was doing my taxes, perhaps I was too focused. This was a good weekend. On Friday I had hotpot with Viv, my new friend. We also went to a popular Chinese dessert place afterwards. On Saturday I hung out with PK, saw Hot Tub Time Machine, and celebrated Jen's birthday at her place. The movie was pretty funny. The story was simple, the actors were a lot of fun to watch. I wasn't expecting much and I was totally entertained. Last night there was some heavy rain which kept me up on and off throughout. I was glad to see my car looked clean this morning though. I was just thinking I should bring it to a car wash yesterday... My thoughts are kind of all over the place. Caretas finally got her wish granted. They will be planning their move. Well, I will wait a little bit before I get back on the market. It's just too soon.

Stay

After looking at many, many apartments, I decided to stay. It wasn't an easy decision. After all, I did give my landlord my 30 day notice and was pretty sure I was going to find a great new apartment. Something better than mine, something that's an upgrade to what I have now. The places I saw were either not good enough, or almost there, but not quite. The whole experience was quite humbling. I thought I was overpaying, but now I think this is pretty fair. Of course, if I continued to look, I might find something better. I just lost my drive. I did not feel like calling places, making appointments, checking out sub-par or slightly better apartments, and then giving up again. I might as well just stay and be content. I was glad I took time to search very carefully and aggressively though. I was casually looking before I gave my 30 day, and I was never that serious about finding the one. Because I set that deadline myself, I pushed myself for definite results. Even though in the end I didn't find the apartment upgrade I was looking for, I learned my apartment was actually pretty decent, even if it had its own problems. For now, consider this task checked.

Apartment shopping

Saw a few more apartments today. I didn't love any of them. The firs one located right by the stairs. The type of old stairs where the flat pieces are held by metal bars. I have those now right in front of my apartment, and every time someone steps hard my whole room starts to shake. So, no, just because of that, the first place was out. Not to mention the inside was dirty. I checked out one of those bungalows before heading home, also managed by the same company. It looked fine outside, and perhaps inside would be ok too. However, the whole complex sits very close to rail track, and so no, not going to get any peace in the middle of the night if I am to live here. The third place I looked at was, well, not quite right either. The carpet was animal print-like, 3D too. Trippy stuff. Again, next to the stairs, although this one isn't as bad, it's concrete solid. I did like the bathroom, it's got a bath tub and a shower room. I also liked that the heater had vent into the bedroom, not a feature I saw in most apartments. Yes, at this price range, these are the kind of places out there. With all its nice features, I just couldn't get over the stairs and the carpet. So I'm going to have to say no to this one as well. Sigh. On the way home I drove by one that had a tiny little sign on its window. I was excited and called right away. Of course it was pricier and probably not the right one for me. Still I made an appointment tomorrow. It won't hurt to look.

Bittersweet

It's a bittersweet day for CH and me. Really sad to see her leave. Working together has brought us closer. It's an amazing experience to share and laugh and learn on this tumultuous ride. Too bad the drama just never seems to cease. To those who have done you wrong, I say to hell with them. To those who have supported you, I say bravo. You're the best at what you do, and no power starving b*tch can take that away from you. All the naysayers who disrespected you, who were mean to you, who wrote you off, will get their comeuppance, and you shall be the one laughing out loud, starting from now. How can one not know how wonderful and phenomenal you are? How can one not see how brilliant you are at what you do? How can one not know that you used to design classes and teach courses in university, after you've worked in the same organization for years? Who is this lying bastard, winking and telling you that we all agree your work's not good enough? There are a lot of good, decent people who cherish you everyday, then there are ones who simply do not deserve your awesomeness. I will continue to root for you, in wherever your direction leads. I know you will do the same for me. Ciao CH. Perhaps we will again align ourselves one day in the same battlefield. No matter what your and my next step will be, we will always embrace each other's moving onward, upward and forward, ALWAYS! Love You!

Another apartment to see

Tonight while looking at rental listing I saw one of the apartments that I was interested in checking out last week was still available. So I emailed the poster and asked if I could see it. I mean, maybe it is a great apartment and why not go find out in person. Sometimes I make a decision, I think it is the right one and I am happy about this decision. Then something comes along I change my mind. This past weekend I thought that moving wasn't going to happen because I just didn't see any apartment that was good enough in my price range. I also thought about the cost of moving, cleaning, and the whole nine yard. So yea, I decided, I would stay. I was content with this decision. I felt it was right. Then I saw this listing online... Well, just the fact that I was still reading apartment rentals says something, haha. We'll see how this viewing goes. It really doesn't hurt to look.

Doing a little

It's the beginning of another week. Over the weekend I cleaned out my small fridge. I had a lot of untouched yogurt in there, expired. They just sat there, bugging me every time I opened the fridge door. Yes I know, why didn't I just get rid of them months ago? Well, I'm lazy. I don't have a good excuse. This weekend somehow I decided this was it. I dumped, like 9 of them yogurt, into the toilet. Gross! Yep, off they went. Maybe this would be good for the pipes?! This morning I switched the work laptop location with my off-work laptop. These days I've been working and sitting on the couch, not a good position for my back. I figured moving to kitchen chair and table would be a good idea. So far, yea not bad. I also like the brighter windows behind me. This area lights up better during the day than my couch area. Sometimes doing a little can change a lot.

Quiet little week

It's been a quiet little week so far. Work has been alright. Evenings have been fine too. PK came over last night and we watched another new episode of Lost. It was a Ben episode, ah I love Ben. Last week's Sayid episode was weak. When I was watching the recap, I got really mad. What a waste of time! I can't believe there are critics think this season has been great. It really hasn't. It sucks. When we should be getting answers, instead we are getting more unnecessary questions, new characters (thank goodness they got killed last week, the only good thing I have to say about last week's episode). No one was answering the questions, ok, they are wink-wink answering them, and those don't count. I do love this show, but this season really has been lackluster. Last season was so good. I don't really know what happened to these writers. And now they aren't even going to answer all these random questions and "mysteries"! What the...

Home all weekend

It was restful weekend. I didn't really go out, except for having dinner at Dave's last night. We ate a ton, and watched Star Trek. His DVD player was skipping a lot, so we ended up using Jose's MacBook to play the movie. I saw it when it first came out, and I was surprised that Dave and Jose actually wanted to see it now. Today I stayed at home too, except for going to the gym, I didn't leave the apartment. I watched a lot of "Housewives" on Bravo. I missed most of the Oscars. When PK came over we caught the director category then the best film. Both went to The Hurt Locker. I didn't see this movie. Most war movies just don't interest me. This was a pretty unproductive, but quite nice weekend.

Not doing much this weekend

It's been a pretty full week. Every night there was something happening. Not tonight though. Just hanging out by myself at home, easy breezy. I don't have plans for this weekend either. Perhaps I will go check out a couple of apartments. So far shopping for apartments haven't been really working out at all. Maybe I should up my rent limit. I just don't find that many great, places in my price range. Perhaps I should just stay put. Now my loudest and most obnoxious neighbors have moved out, living here is not as bad. Then again, having some nice hardwood flooring would be really nice. I keep going back and forth on moving or staying, well, something to think about when I'm bored.