Discoveries

I am feeling dumb now. I didn't bring my camera's USB cable and my uncle didn't have one, so I can't upload any pics I took. Oh well. It would be nice to show some photos along with the trip. I mean, I think blogs are always more interesting and appealing with pictures. So, I'm posting a couple of the pictures taken by my uncle. These are the night views next to my mom's apartment. As I'm blogging, this is what's happening by my window.

Today I took the Shanghai subway for the first time. We took #1 and went from Xu Jia Hui to People's Square, then we moved to #2 and went to Nanking East Road. The one thing I realized even better than yesterday was there were A LOT of people in Shanghai. I was constantly and consistently amazed by the amount of people we encountered going in and coming out of the subway. I had been to NY's subway and a big busy city like Manhattan, and they couldn't even compare. When we were walking down Nanking East Road, we were swamped and almost disappeared into the biggest crowds I had seen. Inside the shops, outside on the streets, and everywhere in between, more and more people kept coming and going. It was mind-blowing and overwhelming. I am not kidding.

I also realized there were many many many shops wherever we went. Never-ending retail stores followed one after another, from inside and out, from this building to the next, soon I became disinterested, and in a sense disconnected because they were just the same shops but in different buildings. Also, I would say almost everything in these stores were way way overpriced. A shampoo that would cost $1.99 in a regular American supermarket, in Shanghai it could get marked up to about 4 times as much, and that was very normal. If an item was deemed a luxury product, then the sky's the limit. It could go up to as much as 6 - 10 times over! Even something as simple and boring as black peppercorn could be 3 times as much as what you would pay for in the States. I was shocked and appalled. I thought the shops here were over-grown, over-saturated, outrageous and over-the-top. Then I saw all these people, walking, smiling, shopping, so what do I know? Some of them must be paying. How else could I explain this phenomenon.

So far I also noticed another thing while dining out in Shanghai. After we sat down, the wait staff would always bring a seat wrap or cover and pull it over your jacket if you happened to hung it behind you. This would keep your jacket from receiving accidental spills or absorbing grease and smell while you ate. I thought that was a very considerate gesture. However, it was only for your jacket. If the waiter happened to spill the soup all over you, or you happened to eat a very smelly or greasy meal, you and what you had on were all on your own.

Shanghai Now

I arrived in Shanghai this afternoon before 2. It was a long flight coming from Atlanta. Then again, flying business class for 15 hours straight was pretty awesome. I didn't expect to be put in the "Zone 1" and it was a great surprise and pleasure to experience that kind of luxury. The leather seat position was extremely customizable, there were almost limitless entertainment options available on the personal LCD screen, not to mention seemingly countless snacks or fruits or meals to select from, AND endless champaign and beverages, I can go on and on. Thanks Megan :) I did think the ticket assitant took a fancy on me and gave me an above and beyond seat arrangement on the plane. I was very thankful.

Once I got to the PVG airport, I waited in no time to get through the security. Mom and uncle were running late, however, so I had to wait by the gate for a while. We took the bus to come back to the Pu Xi section of Shanghai, aka Xu Jia Hui. It was a very busy and colorful part of the city. Lots of lights and trendy young kids crowded the streets and buildings. Mom's apartment is modest and comfy. After I settled down and spent some "gift time" with them, we picked a nearby restaurant and left again. The shopping mall we went to was clean modern and "Sephora" like. Note to self: I will take pictures next time I go, tonight I was too tired to do anything but eating. Speaking of which, the meal portion served here definitely is smaller. Tasty, but won't bust your waistline. We walked around the mall after we ate, and came back to watch some American TV programs my uncle downloaded.

Right now I am trying to stay up so I can adjust the time difference. Hopefully I will sleep very well tonight. My body is sore and eyes are very tired too. I can't believe after 12 years I am out of the States for real. Yay, I'm in Shanghai!

One more day

So I am still here. Megan told me the flights tonight were too full, and since she just started working at the company, her ranking was not at its highest. No problem for me, I could wait 'til Monday. More time for me to get ready.

Yesterday I finished up most of my chores. I met with Sylvia who loved the present. We shopped for a bit and I got more gift items for the trip. I came back briefly and left to go to Dave's for dinner. He made my favorite rosemary artichoke bow-tie pasta. It was delicious. He also made this fancy stuffing bell pepper dish with walnut sauce and pomegranate topping. Very restaurant grade. Of course he also made his signature tiramisu, which was amazing. I was very thankful to be invited to this goodbye dinner.

Today I got new phone cards. I also borrow my neighbor's scale. I don't want to get fined for overweight baggage. I packed 80% of my stuff but it seemed like I would be needing more space. We had another goodbye dinner tonight, with Angelo and Regina. It was very nice to spend another night with good friends. I am going to miss hanging out with them.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day. Hopefully I get on one of the flights!

Another day to go

I did very little today. I actually slept 'til 10 and was very happy that I did. I bought the supplement for my dad. This "MoveFree" thing is huge in Asia. I got 3 bottles and hoped that would last them a while. I took a nap too. Later this evening I hung out with Nicole who was carpet shopping. We spent a good chunk of time in her car chatting and waiting for the sales guy to show up, then we looked at the samples and picked the ones that might look good for her office. The cost turned out to be a lot more than she was expecting, so she had to wait.

I think I am kind of ready to go. Then I think about the wait between the airports and the long flights, I wonder what have I got myeslf into? I am going to be like some kind of a zombie by the time I arrive in Shanghai. This is normal for me, think about the negatives before the good stuff. I have not left the States in 12 years. It was all work, some breaks here and there, but never a full scale vacation. I finally got my greencard this year, and I thought I was going to get paid a lot better after moving onto the new job. Sure, my salary got a little boost, but the transition was anything but positive. Now this trip is progressing rather quickly and successfully (so far) I have to believe things do happen for a reason. Tomorrow is definitely going to be hectic. Then Sunday I will be going going and going. China here I come.

It's on

I got my ticket confirmation today. It still feels unreal to me. 2 weeks ago I was miserable at my job, skipping work to go to interviews, complaining and stressing out whenever I could... last week I got laid off, this Sunday I'm flying to Shanghai to visit my mom, and then Wuhan to see my dad. It's like a train that suddenly started to move after I decided that I should take this trip. For once I am happy to go with the flow and not over-worry what-if's down the line. What will happen will.

Sometimes I'm so at peace with everything, I surprise myself. For a big portion of this year I was unhappy because of my job situation. At first, I wanted to leave the company I was with for 7 years badly. 3 months later I got a new job. I jumped from one company to another without taking a break. 2 weeks later I knew this new place was not right for me. 1 month later I started searching for jobs again. Stress crept back into my life this time stronger than ever. Now I really hated my job and my supervisor, it created this bottomless hole that sucked almost all the optimism and hope I had in me. Then I was let go. It was a welcoming relief. No one wants to be rejected, however, when it's a horrible job that pushes you out, it doesn't really hurt much. It just sucked that they dumped me before I dumped them! Then again, if I were still working there, I wouldn't be able to take off 3 weeks to visit my parents.

So after all the ups and downs, the train is looking up and tight. It's going towards a new direction, and I am going to enjoy it.

Phone bank

I got my ticket for my trip today. Well, I almost got it. I called the travel agent who helped me with my Chinese entry and asked her to give me some quotes on the fares. She actually had very good prices compared to the ones I found online. I was on my way to her office, then I remembered Megan. I decided to talk to her before I made a choice. We went back and forth for a while, then she got me the ticket that's almost half of the best price the travel agent quoted me. The only issue was that her tickets were "standby," so I had to wait in line to see if there was a seat for me after everyone boarded. She did carefully pick the dates that were less crowded, so my chances of getting on the flight would be greater.

Tonight I volunteered to another phone bank to work on the No on Prop 8 campaign. This was the one that targeted at Asian voters. I was supposed to call the Chinese voters and code them individually on the list provided. Unfortunately the center only had an English script, therefore I was advised to just talk to the voters in English. It wasn't that I couldn't speak it, it was just that I always had a problem calling and speaking to strangers on the phone, no matter what the language I happened to use. I felt very shy, uneasy, and embarrassed. I guess if I were to speak Chinese to engage a stranger, I would be a little bit less tense. Sigh. I realized that I was there to help, so I bit my lips and went with it. I told myself that it was going to be fine and I needed to just try it. Of course it didn't really get easier. Every time I heard a voice-mail or wrong number notice, I experienced a big sense of relief. Then there were times that I had to speak to someone, and boy was it difficult. I felt extremely nervous, I couldn't follow the script correctly, and I just kept thinking, "Please just say you'll support us! Or not! I'm so awful at this! Don't you think I already know that?!!" I was proud of myself that I didn't quit calling. Even though I truly disliked what I was doing, I kept dialing and stayed past 9 o'clock, which was surprising to me. The last person I called turned out to be someone who would support us, the only person for the night for me, so I felt excellent.

I only have a few days to prepare for my trip. My schedule's going to be hectic. Wait - I don't have a job now, so it actually will work out just fine! Hahaha.

Positive feeling

I received Sylvia's email today, in which she wrote that she did mail her registration form yesterday, but she might have forgotten to sign it. That's just great. I am so disappointed. What can I say? I guess she tried? Sigh.

My Chinese entry visa was granted today too. I got it from the travel agent, who was very busy on the phone, so I left her office without getting a quote on the tickets. After searching the fares myself online, I realized the they really weren't that cheap. Why did I assume a round-trip ticket was going to cost me less than $800? I could be so clueless. I will double check with Megan tomorrow (if she comes back) and make my decision. I feel like I really need a job now, hahaha.

After our meal at India Sweets and Spices, Dave and I went to the NO On Prop. 8 Office in Silverlake. I felt so good and positive being there as a volunteer. There were a lot of people working on the phones, organizing the upcoming events, discussing various methods and strategies, or just helping out any way they can. My job was to enter the data from the phone call records. Did the respondents' answers correspond to one of the coding numbers? Were there any wrong numbers? What if they didn't speak English? There was a code or number to each situation and answer. I actually had a good time there. Who knew there were so many people who were passionate about human rights and determined to make a difference? I felt very proud to be a small part of that movement.

Jen and Steve got engaged!

This was a pretty good weekend. Friday night I went over to Dave's and stayed 'til after midnight. He made salad, lasagna, and apple cobbler. We listened to records and it was a very "old fashion" and mature gathering. Yesterday was a little rougher. I had made plans to see Sylvia, but she told me that she was sleepy and wanted to meet later. Because I already had plans to go to Jen's surprise engagement party last night, I couldn't really see her in the evening. We talked about this previously. I was to bring her the voter's registration form, and she would sign it when we hung out, it was her idea too! Now she was canceling it, I became very upset. This had happened before, many times, and it always frustrated the heck out of me. I would make plans, then she either disappeared or canceled last minute. UGH! Needless to say, our conversation ended awkwardly. I knew she didn't care. Sigh, I tried. 

Jen's surprise engagement party went very well. She was shaken and crying when she saw us. Steve really pulled it off this time. He rocked, and we were all so proud of him. Everyone was so happy for them. It was a such joyous night. This morning I woke up around 9, did some work, then went to the gym. It was a very relaxing day. Dave later called me to confirm dinner plans. Before dinner Jose and Dave came over a little early to help fix my bedroom window. This project turned out to be more demanding than we thought. Dave would have to come back to screw the windows back in more firmly. We went to Mandarin Deli and had a very satisfying meal. The owner actually already knew what we wanted to order and that made the whole experience quite fun. Afterwards we stopped by Marie Calendar to get ourselves a razzleberry pie. It was only $6.99 too, what a steal! We watched the Fox cartoon block and each had a slice of pie. Yummy. It was another good night spent with great friends.

Why am I working when I'm jobless?

Today I woke up early to finish up the ad project for my previous company. I was feeling frustrated because the mistakes in that document were just so overwhelming. My ex-manager called me and told me not to bother with fixing everything wrong on it. Otherwise, the boss would think I spent too much time and tried to rip him off. I was offended by that comment. The main reason I left that job was because I couldn't get a raise for the last 3 years working there. He was too cheap! And even now I'm not charging them my fair rate. I was a little upset, but I knew I shouldn't take it personally. I mean, you can't argue with boss's cheapness. So I hurried up and finished the project. By 10:30 I was emailing and uploading the file to their site. It wasn't the most pleasant morning, but at least I got stuff done.

I ate and relaxed some more. When I was preparing to go to the gym, suddenly I felt super sleepy. So I went to take a nap. I love having naps. I woke up an hour and a half later, hit the gym, and came back to eat an early dinner. Then I did some shopping at TJ's and watched some TV. Mom called to ask me to bring a bunch of stuff to her. All bulky food items. I was hoping to travel with a light luggage, not anymore. Whatever. We'll see how things go.

Busy

My first day after leaving that awful place turned out to be pretty busy. First thing in the morning, I submitted my unemployment claim. Then I gathered all my parking stubs, taped them down neatly, and went to the post office to mail them out. I also wrote a nice note for the HR dept for helping me. I wasn't very sure if the company would really reimburse me. I was just glad to send all those stubs away and never had to see them around again. The next stop was my bank. I deposited the last two checks I received. The teller asked me about the company, I was surprised that I didn't badmouth my experience there. Seriously, why would he care what happened to me there? And why would I bother anyway? I no longer worked there and talking about it would just bring back the lousy memories.

Then I went to the gym and did some exercise. During noon time I found there were many more ladies working out and not as many men. I wondered if I had also become one of the housewife types. I didn't mind. I could totally get used to this lifestyle, hahaha! I came home around 1 o'clock and had the pasta my neighbor gave me a couple nights ago for lunch. The daytime TV was horrible, suddenly I realized I should get my butt up to do some work. So I started working on the project my ex-manager handed me over the weekend. The designer they hired after me was terrible. She was sloppy, inconsistent, and clueless. After I edited the document I had to fix all her mistakes. It took me longer to correct her stuff than it would take me to make the changes my ex-manager needed. I couldn't finish the project today. It would be another few hours before I could turn the ad in - I guess that's good. I do get paid by the hours :)

PR5 was a little anti-climatic tonight. Jose and I both picked the right winner. Yay! I don't know if moving the show to Lifetime will affect our viewing. As long as they don't change the format too much, most likely we will keep watching it.

I did sleep better last night. Stepping away from a bad situation indeed does a body good!

Phased out

It finally happened. Around 5 o'clock this afternoon, the HR director walked into my office and said my supervisor wanted her to tell me that my position was being "phased out." So there I was, without a job that I never liked. I said goodbyes to a few of the people I enjoyed working with and I left the building. My head was clear and I walked on happily. Of course I was concerned that I would be jobless for who knows how long, but I was glad this chapter finally had closed itself.

I called a few friends and told them about the unexpected unemployment. It felt like a good news. I had been talking about quitting all this time and now it happened, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. In a way, I felt I was released from a trap, a place that was seriously unhealthy and unhappy. I called and told dad too. He was calm and gave me some pep talk. Dave and Jose and I then went out for dinner. Well, I had to admit, I wasn't entirely focused on what we were eating at Teresitas, my mind was still processing the news. It was good to have them around. Later we went back to Jose's and watched some TV and ate cookies we bought at Food4Less. I got home after 10 o'clock. I felt a little restless and of course a little worried, but I knew everything would work out just fine.

Hopefully I will be sleeping better now.

Good day

I had a good day today. Things went smoothly, not too swimmingly, but fairly successful that I didn't feel too much stress. Of course, the post office was closed today and I couldn't send out my credit card payment. I will have to drop by their downtown branch tomorrow and pay it in person. There will be some walking ahead.

Tonight I got to hang out with Megan. She's so fun and hilarious. We always have a good time when we go out. Why can't I have more days like this?

Ate too much tonight

I talked with Z briefly in the morning today. It was good to talk and listen to an old friend, someone who had been there and known you well, I felt more grounded after our chat. Then I went back to catch more sleep.

I didn't do much the rest of the day. I went to the gym and bought banh mi for lunch. Later I started the project from my previous company. I didn't get very far. About 5 o'clock I left to have dinner with Dave and Jose. We met up with Sylvia, Tim and his family in Artesia for Indian food. Rajdhani was a lively and exciting vegetarian all-you-can-eat restaurant. We ate so much in such a short time. I was stuffed. I think the desserts were my favorites.

I came back around 10 o'clock, and just sat back and relaxed. Another week is about to begin. I will make the best of it.

Pep talk

I spoke to dad this morning. He told me sometimes we had to lie to get out of a real bad situation, so it's not a bad thing. Also, I am not getting paid if I don't go to work, therefore it's not like I'm ripping them off. Dad's pep talk really helped loosen my stress, and guilt. After we hung up, I found a local travel agent who could get my China visa for me without me actually visiting the official processor myself. I had to pay more, of course. I didn't mind. As long as everything gets done.

My productive morning continued. After dropping off my document with the agent, I went to see my dentist for a checkup. Luckily my dentist said my teeth were quite healthy. He also recommended deep cleansing next time, since my insurance covered it. I asked if teeth bleaching was covered, they said no. Oh well. I met up with Sylvia and her brother and his girlfriend in the evening. We had an OK meal at this Korean tofu house. They were running short on some of the dishes that we specifically came here for, like the green bean rice and steamed egg. They also didn't do that great of a job on the main dish: forgetting to make the soup spicy. We were disappointed.

We went back to her brother's place to watch a popular Taiwanese movie called Cape No. 7. It was a relaxed, romantic and moving dramady. I was very impressed with the art direction, music selections, cinematography, acting, and the well-developed characters. Although the story had a couple of plot-holes overall its compelling strengths made up for its shortcomings. I really liked it. I look forward to owning it when it comes out on DVD.

Tired

I am feeling tired. I try to make good decisions but I want a break. I don't know if this is the right choice. I don't know if that is the wrong choice. I don't know if I'm going to make another mistake. I wish I didn't have to lie (about being sick) and I'm about to do it again next Monday. When I go back to work on Tuesday I am going to feel more awkward than ever.

I am tired.

Portfolio

Jose helped me big time tonight. Dave suggested that I should have a portfolio on hand, even though I already posted the images online. I didn't think about creating one before, and today it hit me, why not? Lucky me, Jose got a very nice color printer and I went to his place to print out some of my work. He used very nice photo papers for printing and the results were clean, glossy and awesome. We later went to Office Depot and got me a presentation folder. For now I only used 6 - 7 pieces, like a selective sample from various projects. To check out a more complete portfolio, I will direct the hiring manager to my online gallery.

Jose and I had Korean BBQ for dinner tonight. It's something we probably can't and won't have with Dave. It was a lot of meat and pretty good. I finally finished my application and portfolio at Jose's after this meaty meal. It was a productive evening, and Jose again helped me lots. I was happy.

Back and forth

Work got weird today. I made some suggestive posture, like hands grabbing boobs, and I offended one of the coworkers. She laughed about it at first, but later told me I made her feel very uncomfortable. I apologized, somehow she didn't seem to accept it. Why am I still working here?!

I'm not going to make this entry another complaining piece. I know, just today.

The weather got hot again surprisingly. When I got home I heard some of my neighbors' ACs running. It's back and forth this and last week. Come to think of it, kind of like my state of mind, in and out of depression-like moodiness. Hopefully things start to set soon.

Depressed somewhat

The weekend went away quickly and I didn't try to be productive. I am feeling down and uninspired most of the time. There are of course moments of positivity, however, they don't come very often. I know I shouldn't let a lousy job get to me like this. I tell myself to rise above, I succeed sometimes. "It's all a test. I must keep going..." It's the same old preaching I give myself everyday. Is it working? Sure. I just shut off all the voices and blank out. And I stop feeling happy just the same. I'm probably depressed, somewhat. What's new?

I signed up for facebook yesterday. I must admit it was fun and addictive, like when I started my account on myspace. For the first couple of weeks, I checked the site everyday and put thoughts on every little detail. I wondered if this would turn out just just the same, where I stopped finding it interesting after a month or so. Sigh. I am so unhappy.

I'm going to work this week. Then I don't know. Keep going until I find a job, and keep feeling miserable? Or just quit and give myself some time to regroup? Sigh.

Bleh

The mood today was between mild and down. I didn't get any responses and one of the projects I had been working on was given to someone else. I had a feeling the company was about to let me go, which was fine. I was glad that I didn't stop looking for jobs. I hope my next company will be a right choice for me. Already I have spent good 5+ months this year on job searching. Soon it will be 6 months. That's half a year! It's mentally exhausting. Really. I feel drained.

I am going back to work next week. I wish I could say that today was my last day there. Day in and day out I sound like such a whiner. I am. Sigh.

Gossipy

My work is gossipy. I don't know if that affects how much I hate working there. Of course, this company has that low-morale problem too. Although I have major issues with the management, among other things, some of the people there are actually cool and even fun to talk to. Unfortunately that is not going to keep me from looking for a grand exit.

I have a feeling something good is going to happen soon.

Productive Day-Off

I did everything I set out to do today. I went to the job interview. I got an estimate for my car repair. I had my car washed too.

The weather in LA suddenly raised up yesterday and today. It was above 100° all afternoon and I was sweating like a pig. It was like summer had never left.

Dave made fast food inspired dinner tonight. Deep fried cauliflower, and chilli steak fries - totally yummy and probably not that good for the waistline. He also bought a delicious lemon cake for Jose, who just returned from his trip. PR5 tonight was frustrating. Why couldn't they just eliminate one contestant and save us the anguish? I really didn't expect to dislike Kenley so much. I actually liked her when the show started. Then her true color came out... not a nice or humble person at all. Ugh.

I'm going to try to catch some sleep tonight. Last night was excruciating. I couldn't sleep well and wake up every 50 minutes or so 'til this morning at 6:20. The stress this job is giving me everyday is so not worth it. I feel like crap, then I try to talk myself out of feeling like that, then I fall back into that thought, then I bring myself back up. I need a break.

Patience.... Patience...