Out to lunch

I had lunch with Cameron today. We went to 101 Noodle Express for their noodles. But their better dishes were the beef roll and pumpkin shrimp dumplings. The only noodle we order, sour veges pork noodle soup, was just alright. Of course I felt a little guilty going out in the middle of the week (in the middle of the day too), when I should be looking for jobs. I did just that when I came back home. Sent out a couple of resumes, went to the gym, checked out a local $1 store, then home again. My neighbor fed me again tonight. 3 eggs on top of rice and chicken with peas and vegetables, yum. How do I get so lucky? I am in a good mood! I feel blessed.

Thank goodness

Things are calmer today. Thank goodness I didn't get into any fights or develop a painful headache. Dave made Thai food tonight and of course I had to go. I also shared with Jose and Dave my bizarre blowup with PK yesterday. They both got a kick out of the story. See that's what I do. I entertain.

Didn't know that's what PK thought

Sometimes you just don't know what your friend thinks about you. PK and I were having an online conversation about Lost. After I joked that he didn't like women, and mentioned the name Tina Fey, all hell broke loose. He said I always based my opinions off others and I was melodramatic. Not quite the description I would give myself. After pausing and examining his words, I had to agree wit him somewhat. I do base my opinions on certain topics off my friends. But, don't we all take opinions on certain issues or people from our trusted sources and friends? I know I am not that way with all things in life. It was such a shock PK thought that of me. As for being melodramatic, I was definitely worked up. I wanted to explain myself, I was so surprised that he would call me that too. Why couldn't he see what he said about me was, a little unfounded and also hurtful? Of course, the more we talked the more frustrating both of us became. We had to stop, and I ended up with an awful headache. I know who I am, and I always think my friends see me as close to the way as I see myself. Does this mean PK doesn't know me very well? Have I been presenting myself as brainless and hysterical to my friends all this time? Wow. I will have to cool things with PK for a while. I don't want to be perceived as a dumb drama-queen by a friend whom I actually thought liked me. It's too bad that he sees me in such a unflattering light. I need to adjust the way I speak to PK and the amount of time I spend with him. I can't change the way he thinks of me, but at least I can create some space between us and keep ourselves from attacking each other.

I'll survive

I am still feeling deflated. All day my mood was mostly low. Just one of those days. I enjoyed lunch with Dave and Nicole, but afterwards I just felt sad. I really hope I'm not going thru some depression. Probably a mild one. Perhaps just for today. Can one have symptoms of depression, somewhat mildly, for just one day? Sigh. I am just missing a focus, a spark, a light at the end of the tunnel, a guide that maps out my course. Where is my life's GPS? I so desperately need one. And no, I'm not going to surrender to any organized religion. I will find my way, somehow, some way. Yes ladies and gentlemen that's some choice lyrics from "You'll See,"



In truth I am not all on my own. I just feel that way today. Tomorrow it'll be a brand new day, I will start anew. Fresh. New beginning.

Moving on

So the interview went OK. I liked the company, just not the position. Also I didn't want to pay for parking to work part-time in Downtown LA. After the last job's parking "reimbursement" fiasco, it has become one of my top pet peeves. Nope. It just isn't the right job for me. Moving on.

PK came over tonight and we watched Lost together. Gasp! Sayid killed Ben!!! I didn't see that coming. It was a great episode. PK and I also talked about jobs, relationships, stuff that stresses everyone out sometimes. It is really nice to be around someone who gets me when my day isn't going particularly well. I'm very thankful to be able to laugh and enjoy sharing stories with a good friend.

Part-time job

I have an interview for a part-time position tomorrow. I printed out some stuff I did recently and beefed up my portfolio this afternoon. Hopefully all goes well. Oh I need to get quarters for parking.

I am in a bad mood right now. I had a conversation with mom and I was SO frustrated. I wish I could say certain things, but I knew it would sound awful, and we would get into some argument about her faith. So in the end I just said nothing. It's so hard to be a good son. I need some laughs now!

Ken Lee

I was in a better mood tonight because of this clip:



I laughed so hard my tummy hurt. Thanks Youtube!

Good eats today

I had breakfast with Judy this morning. It was good to see her and finally give her a present she had not yet bought herself. She liked it too. Everyone's happy. I came back and rested a little. Went to the gym and came back home again. I couldn't help it, I took another nap. Cameron and everyone except Dave and Jose arrived early and woke me up. I was glad to find out that I wasn't the only person who lost his or job. We all rode Cameron's new car to Hong Yei, and had an awesome meal. Dave even brought a carrot cake that he made at home. It was the best carrot cake ever! Tomorrow, another week begins. I'm looking ahead and going to make the best of it.

Cold again

Today LA got cold again. It was cloudy and windy. Kind of nappy. I looked at job listings and sent my resume to one position I thought looked exciting. The time went by quickly. I talked to Dad and told him about the interview. He was encouraging. It was sweet. I will spend more time with people tomorrow. Judy's coming to have breakfast, then go to her facial appointment. Later Dave and Jose, and perhaps a few other friends of ours will meet for Chinese food. My vacation continues...

I didn't get it

I didn't get the next interview. I emailed the interviewer lady this afternoon and she wrote me back to tell me that I wasn't on their list. Certainly disappointed. Not quite depressed or upset. It is what it is. I am not right for the job. I am a big boy. I can take it. Having a sweet, kind neighbor really helps. Caretas invited me to go have lunch with her today and we had a great time at Hometown Buffet! It's not a place I'd normally go, but surprisingly it was a lot of fun. Too much food maybe. Yes my friend I have learned how to eat my sorrow away! We then went to an $1 store and enjoyed their eclectic "merchandise." We didn't buy anything. We came back around 5 and I took a nice 2 hour nap. Yes, nothing a big hefty meal and paralyzing nap can't fix. My generous neighbor called me not too long ago and gave me lots of fruits. I am very thankful to have someone who watches over me when I'm feeling down. It's times like this I realize life is not what you don't have, it's what you have around you and how much you get to see it and appreciate it. I know I am one lucky boy.

Homemade Vegetarian Sausages

I did not do much today. I went to the gym, came home, had lunch, got ready, and went to Dave's. Dave made sausages and french fries, there was also grilled veges and asparagus. Jose opened a bottle of fancy beer, and all of us enjoyed the dinner outside on the patio. It was a breezy, mellow evening. The weekend is here again. I look forward to relaxing some more. LOL!

Too Hot for March

I couldn't sleep very well last night. I woke up before 6, and after tweaking the artwork somewhat, I sent the company I had a phone interview with my completed sample ads. I don't know what will happen next, but I feel good about the job I did.

After thinking about it overnight, I decided to fill out this questionnaire a language tutor company sent me. It's one of the few job options available right now, so why not? There were some new job postings today and I applied for them right away too. Just doing what I needed to do.

The weather is very hot today, almost in the 90s. Aren't we supposed to be in March? Tonight's Lost was good, but not too exciting. I didn't get a lot of "Whaa" moments. Maybe the recaps and fan blogs will make me think otherwise.

Phone interview

The phone interview today seemed to have gone well. She said I was enthusiastic and knowledgeable. I was then sent a couple of ad tests to do. There was some hurdle when I started working on these, I was confused about the units Pica and Point. I know, seriously, how many years have I been working with computer graphics and still I have troubles differentiating measurements. Luckily after figuring that out, I was problem-free and taking care of business. There was this picture where I was supposed to take out the background and use with the ad. I worked on that one for a while, but it just didn't look right with the advertisement. I decided not use it. I am not going to incorporate a bad ingredient and mess up the whole dish. Yes, Top Chef has taught me well. Finally I got everything done just now. I don't know if they will love what I did. I like them myself. Hey, if I end up not getting the job, I'll put these in my portfolio. That way, all my effort and time didn't go to waste.

Taxes!

I did my taxes today on the computer, and it showed I owed taxes! I don't know if I should find someone to redo it for me. Or just go ahead and pay for the amount I got. It's annoying.

My neighbor fed me again today. She gave me a plate of food for lunch, but I saved it for dinner instead. It was a fine day. I cleaned half of my blinds in the living room. Yes I was lazy. Hey at least I did half. Tomorrow I have a phone interview in the afternoon. I hope it goes well.

One of those nights

I am feeling down. Just a little down on the job situation. It's one of those nights. I don't feel very upbeat, or optimistic about the future. I look at myself and think I am not good enough, or attractive enough. It's one of those moods. I am not even going to try to pick myself up. I know when I wake up tomorrow morning, life will be new again. And I will feel OK.

Just one of those lonely, moody nights.

2nd trip to Gourmet... Still just OK

Tonight I had dinner with Jen, Steve, and Ryan at Gourmet Vegetarian. We ordered Singaporean chow fun, midnight intestine, spinach with bean curd, house chicken, and seafood soup. It was good, but a little short on salt and flavor. I told them because we were eating Chinese Buddhist style vegetarian food, there would be no garlic and no green onion either. It explained why the dishes were just OK, not great.

Afterwards we went to 99 Ranch to do some snack and grocery shopping. I had not seen Jen in a while, it was nice to hang out with her and joked about silly stuff. She would be starting her new job soon, so very happy for her. I wonder when I will land a job. Not just any job though, I want a good job. Something that pays well and has some growth and career potential. Of course, realizing the kind of job market I am dealing with these days, is it really possible to find what I am looking for? A boy can dream.

Extra

I went to an agency for casting extras this morning. Dave first mentioned it to me last week and I brushed it off jokingly. Then I talked with PK over the weekend and got more information from someone who had actually done it before. Last night at Dave's I said to him if I still felt like trying it tomorrow I would do it. I chatted with PK again this morning, who was supportive and encouraging. So was Dave, who volunteered to go with me. So, I printed out their forms and filled them out. Off I went.

Honestly, the place was a mad house. It was packed to the max. Right away I felt very uncomfortable. I walked out, but Dave had left to park the car somewhere else. I went back in, thinking I needed to stick to the plan. A few seconds later I left again. I just felt suffocated. I forced myself back into the building once more. And out again. I did that about 7 times, back and forth. No matter how many times I rejoined the crowd, it just didn't feel good or right. Finally Dave showed up. I rushed to his side and told him it was just too much. Then we walked back into the agency again. It was hard to see where the lines started. He asked one of the girls and she pointed to this other side of the room. Dave looked at me. I gave him a look, and said "No, I don't want to do this."

Besides feeling suffocated I also became very self-conscious. Standing next to those who also came here for a chance to be in films and television shows somehow made me extremely nervous. Of course everyone thought, "Getting paid as an extra is better than getting none at all, right? In this economy, every little bit helps. And hey, you get to be in movies!" Unfortunately I didn't feel like I fit in, and that anxiety was immense and intense. There was this sense of desperation and judging I experienced, I couldn't shake it even though I tried my hardest. Perhaps if I had gone in early and was with a friend who also wanted to do this would help. I don't know.

Someone who parked at our first spot got a ticket when we left. That was kind of sad. Who wants to drive around to find parking on a very busy street, wait at least an hour and a half to be photographed, pay $25 cash to register your profile, AND get cited for some parking violation? I felt bad for the guy. Dave and I just left and went shopping at Costco. A much better time spent, in my opinion.

Still, that was some experience.

Happy Thursday

I went to Dave's tonight for our weekly dinner. Tonight he made Chinese food. Stir-fry green beans, chicken nuggets, and fish with hot bean sauce. All vegetarian of course. It was a delicious meal. We watched another episode of Flight of the Conchords and RuPaul's Drag Race. I am not as a big fan as Dave's of those Conchords dudes. They are still amusing, but I remember them being more organic and funnier in the first season. RuPaul's show, of course, is a lot of fun and camp. She always makes me laugh. It was a great evening with friends, to share food, laughs, and funnies together. It's times like this reminds me how lucky I am.

Mom's bakery

I finally talked to mom on Skype today. She's going to open her bakery by the end of the month. It's amazing that she is able to break through all the recent economical hurdles and make her goals come true in Shanghai. I find it very encouraging. I of course still face the jobless situation. Everyday I am applying for positions, having no feedback whatsoever. Sometimes I am OK, sometimes I am stressed. I have to constantly remind myself to focus on the positive side of things and think good thoughts. Feeling frustrated or annoyed won't make my life easier or happier.

I finally took some time this afternoon to clean my car's interior. It really had been a while! First I used this Swiffer thing I got from Target to dust then Meguiars wipes to give the seats some shine. It was dirty, but now clean. Little things like this, everyday, give me something to be happy about.

Cleaning supplies

I shopped at Target today. It was mostly cleaning supplies. I got bleach, CLR, sponges, stuff like that. I can't say it was exciting, but it was definitely necessary. These days I don't buy things that aren't an necessity. I had dinner with Cameron tonight. He bought a new Camry from his grandpa. What a nice, roomy car! I'm going to clean my car's interior tomorrow. I wish I could do the body repair too. That would have to wait. I am having dinner with Judy tomorrow night. It's going to be her birthday this weekend. Then I'll have Jen's. Then it's Dave's next month. Let the celebration begin!

Getting things done

I have the best neighbor! I asked her on Friday how to clean this tough stain on my bathtub, and she ended up helping me clean the whole bathroom. I know, she was too kind. She taught me how to use bleach properly and utilize different tools to get rid of dirt and yucky things. I should not be afraid of getting the entire room wet either. It was an eyeopening experience. I almost didn't want to use my bathroom the rest of the day because it was so clean!

I saw The Watchmen yesterday. It was a lot of movie. I liked it, I thought it was thorough and developed exceptionally. There was a ton of back stories, and it took a while to get to the exciting part. I wish it wasn't so serious and more fun. Superhero movies don't have to be all dark and somber.

I changed my tires today. Jose helped me find this used tire place and I replaced them all for just $160! It was an awesome deal, and took less than half an hour to get done. I was so very relieved and happy. It is all about saving money on getting what I need these days.

Productive

Today was productive. I woke up a little earlier this morning to go to the gym. Finished cleaning up after cooking myself some lunch. Went to the market to buy some fruits and vegetables. Came back and cleaned my bathroom. I felt like a housewife, but not a very good one. There was so much cleaning to do! Finally Megan called and we went out for some afternoon tea. After that I went to Dave's and spent the rest of the evening with him and Jose. Dave made falafel tonight, and we watched Flight of the Conchords and RuPaul's Drag Race. They can't be more different from each other, but are both fun and hilarious to watch.

Rained

It freaking rained today! What the...

My neighbor gave me super delicious lunch after I came back from the gym. It was lentil soup with sausage and rice. Man, thinking about it is making me hungry again! I am a lucky boy. PK didn't come to watch Lost with me tonight. He was having some major stress issue with his film project. I hope that went well. Overall the day went by smoothly. I can't really complain.

Breezy

I like the weather today. It was sunny and breezy, just perfectly enjoyable. I applied for another job today after browsing job boards online. Went to the gym, cooked for myself, took a nap, watched some TV. Yea I know, it can get really vacation-like. I am just mindful at keeping things moving along and taking better care of my well-being, physically and emotionally. One of these days I will get busy for sure. I want to look back and be able to say to myself, I did have a great, awesome, relaxing break. It's all about perspectives. Embrace the present, and be ready for the next stage.

More computer!

Dave helped me set up another computer at home yesterday. He's the best! Besides the PC laptop he let me borrow he also gave me his old Mac G4 desktop. We swapped out the DVD burner inside and put in the dual layer burner I had in an enclosure. We also took out two of my external hard drives and put them in the tower. Now the only thing left to do, upgrade wise, will be installing more memory. Let's see how I feel after my tire situation.

Today I applied for more jobs. Sometimes I feel more stressed and apprehensive than usual. This was one of those days. I know I can't control what is happening around me, I can only be responsible for my own actions. I always remind myself to do my best and look forward to making everyday count.