Better

I went home after the gym last night and watched TV for the rest of the evening. The truth was, I was still feeling the aftershock, so sitting down, staring at the TV, and letting my mind wander really helped relax me. As usual, DWTS was a lot of fun. I can't remember what I watched after that. I halfheartedly watched the show that followed, then I switched to VH1. My head definitely got the distraction it needed by the end of the night.

Once I was off the couch, I began thinking about Z's letter again. Now around midnight, I felt less sad or down, and the emotions were also less heavy. I had admitted to myself that I was still hurt by it and was just as embarrassed. I had told myself and everyone before that this was fine and this conclusion was for the best, but deep down I couldn't prevent myself from experiencing the pain and that aching, that tightness in my chest when I found out that our relationship had clearly ended. It was a moment I thought I was ready for, but when it actually dropped in front of my eyes, I was not as prepared as I thought.

Understanding the reason why I felt the pain and confusion helped lift the weight somehow. Of course there is still hurt, but I am doing better today than yesterday.