Down and up

I didn't get a good night of sleep last night, and I woke up feeling irritable. When I got to work there were some stuff to do, so I didn't have time to think about the talk I had with mom. However, after I finished some work and sent my resume out, the annoying exchange I had with mom re-emerged in my head. I tried hard to figure out why it still bothered me. Of course, the more I thought about it the more I felt irritated and down.

After lunch Jen and I began to chat on Google. She agreed with me that my mom was definitely feeling guilty and moreover, she was projecting without being aware of it. It was understandable and she didn't mean any harm. Jen reminded me again that she's my mother, and even if she had her faults, her mistakes usually came from good intentions. Hearing Jen's perspective through a tiny chat window was surprisingly effective. I felt better after we chatted. Lastly Jen told me I must forgive her. I said I told my mom that already. She said saying it and doing it are two different things. Sigh - I don't know - I thought I did? Maybe I didn't. I know I still hang on to all the troubled memories to keep myself from getting hurt again. I know, I have issues.

After the gym I went to a local Asian market that I had not been to in a while. I got frozen soybeans and carton soymilk all in one place. I was happy. So it really doesn't take a lot to make me happy. A good friend. Knowing that someone gets me. Finding and getting exactly what I want on sale. There, the bad mood is gone.