Reluctant

So I have work tomorrow. Yay. Kind of. I kept feeling reluctant to go back to this company that had me employed all these years, and continued to call me back after I was laid off. Yes, last 7 weeks I didn't hear from them. I felt fine about that actually. I have wanted to move on from them for so long, starting long before I got my green card. Going back to work there repeatedly feels like I can't succeed in getting away from them. There's nothing wrong with the company. This reluctance has everything to do with my own insecurity and self-confidence. I tell myself that it's a blessing to be accountable and relied on, and HELLO I'm JOBLESS! At the same time, I really want to have nothing to do with them. So I keep going back and forth, feeling hesitant. Hearing how I sound now, I really don't want to seem ungrateful, and it's beginning to look that way. So I am just going to shut it.